How do You Know when You're Ready for a Lasting Relationship?

While talking with my mom recently about my plan to make dating a priority, she smiled at me and said "It really does sound like you're ready for a relationship!"

What was it that prompted this statement? Was it a long explanation of how I have moved past the desire for a fairy-tale perfect romance and recognize the inability of any relationship to live up to that kind of pressure? Was it the five years of work I have done in order to be comfortable in my skin and ready to share myself with another person? Was it my ability to make the world's best chocolate cake?

No.

It was the story of a few months ago when I had to go to a mechanic to have my brake pads replaced. I made an appointment for the end of the day, thinking I would wait in the shop and read a book while they did the work and then I'd drive the car home in under an hour. 

Ha. Ha ha.

Instead I was told they would have to keep the car overnight for the work. Since I only have the one car and no one to drive me to and from the mechanic that night and next morning, I had to set a new appointment for when I could arrange to have a friend help me out. I drove back to my apartment, white-knuckling the steering wheel and alternating between muttering under my breath and fighting back tears over the fact I couldn't get my damn brake pads replaced on my own.

This is not the only event to create an undeniable longing for a partner within the last year. From a minor surgery to hauling two armfuls of groceries and a 20 pound container of cat litter up two flights of stairs to struggling to fall asleep after watching too many episodes of a true crime show, it felt like at least once a week something happened to remind me I was single and lonely.

I know- and my mom knew- that I am ready for a serious relationship because I am ready to have a partner for the day-to-day annoyances of life. Someone to make me laugh about needing them to come pick me up from the mechanic, to carry one of the armfuls of groceries, to help me throw a pill down Oliver's throat every night, to assure me if a murderer were to break into the apartment they would kill them first because their side of the bed is closer to the door. 

I have no interest in the fairy-tale. I don't want white horses and big weddings and elaborate dates. I want a partner. I want someone to do the dishes with me, help keep the cats off the bed while I change the sheets, and help me get the damn brake pads replaced. 

And, you know, being in love and being loved would be pretty amazing too.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Love Languages

Image
 Over the last few years the general public has become more familiar with the concept of love languages, but it originally was mainly used within couples counseling.  Gary Chapman wrote a book in 1992 describing the five main ways people express love in relationships. He theorized that many issues within relationships spring from the individuals expressing and receiving love in different ways and not understanding how their partner expresses and receives love. His theory resonated with millions of people, pushing his several books on the topic to the bestsellers list and leading love languages to become a common topic in couples counseling. As a side note, I think it is important to note that Chapman has a doctorate in adult education and is a Baptist minister- not a counselor or psychologist, so it is important to remember love languages were not developed in an empirical study. A research study in 2017 done by Bunt & Hazelwood, in fact, found that couples who were alig...
Read more

Blast from the Past

Image
 This week I had the strange feeling of being back in time.  Maybe it's because I'm back in Minnesota again and things are starting to remind me of all the years I lived here before.  Maybe it's because my favorite boy band from when I was a teenager, Big Time Rush , announced they are reunited and recording new music.  Maybe it's because after my call with Jeremy I had fluttery crush feelings for the first time in years. After our phone call, I immediately texted one of my friends in all caps. She called me about thirty minutes later to find out why I was so excited. I giggled to her like a high school girl with her first date to a school dance. Previously I have complained to her about how poorly conversations with men have gone or how I was considering no longer dating men at all because they never seemed that interesting or worth keeping around. It was a surprise to feel the opposite for once. I don't know if this fluttery crush feeling will last long. In fact, ...
Read more

Leaving

 The day of my big move has finally arrived. I will spend the next three days in a car with one of my best friends (who flew down from Minnesota to drive up with me), three cats, and some pretty fantastic playlists before settling into my new place. As I leave, I want to acknowledge the things I gained from this chapter of my life: A Master's degree 8 tattoos 3 cats The beginnings of a less contentious relationship with religion (HUGE shout out to St. Mark's Episcopal Church for providing a safe place to start that healing) An entry into the poetry community (I will miss the folks at Spoken and Heard nights!) Two life-long dreams related to working with animals achieved More fantastic friends than I can name A sense of self-sufficiency and confidence I can handle what comes next These five and a half years in Texas have been a lot of things, but mostly I think they were what I needed to prepare to really become myself and strike out on my own.   Here's to the next five ...
Read more