5 Books Shaping How I Approach Relationships

Ever since I learned to read in kindergarten, I have been a voracious reader. As a child I would regularly leave the library with the maximum amount of books I was allowed to check out (somewhere around 20 books), use a flashlight to read in bed way too late, and even read books under the desk at school. As an adult, I still use the library regularly and occasionally allow myself to go to Half-Price Books and buy a few books to add to my collection. 

As I prepare to set up my dating profile and re-enter the dating scene, I decided to reflect on five books that have helped to shape my thoughts on romance (potential spoilers ahead). In no particular order, the books are: 

1. Love and Misadventure, by Lang Leav 

Love and Misadventure was the first book of poetry I ever added to my personal library. The collection follows a relationship from the exciting first butterflies to the brokenhearted ending. While the poems are short, they each perfectly encapsulate specific emotions - infatuation, hope, lust, jealousy, disappointment, and lingering love. Over the years, I have returned to the poem Sea of Strangers frequently when I feel discouraged by dating and it never ceases to give me hope again.

 My main takeaway: even if a relationship ends, there is still beauty in it and it should never be regretted.

 

2.  Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity, by Justin Baldoni

 In this part-memoir part-invitation-to-reflect, Justin Baldoni is unapologetically vulnerable in his exploration of how societal messages shape the growth of individuals. While he focuses on men due to his own experience and life, this book is all too relatable for individuals of all gender identities (and he makes sure to include all identities in his references as well, which I really appreciated!).

My takeaway from this book: everyone- man, woman, or non-binary- has insecurities and places in their lives where personal work is needed. The key is to love all of the person, even those areas of work.


3. Red, White, and Royal Blue, by Casey McQuiston

Red, White, and Royal Blue is easily the most romantic novel I have ever read. Between the inclusion of quotes and love letters between famous historical couples, the steady building of tension between Alex and Henry, and the line "I love him on purpose," I had to set down the book and walk around my apartment several times just to have the space to process the emotions. Is the book unrealistic in it's portrayal of the American political system? Yes. Is it so fluffy that at times it feels like sinking into a giant pile of pillows? Yes. Did I cry several times? Yes.   

The main takeaway: love is a choice we make over and over, and the goal is finding someone who will make the choice with us over and over as well. 


4. Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen

Jane Austen's best-known novel is all about moving past first impressions and withholding judgement until you actually have the chance to get to know them. It also is a story of allowing people to change for the better and prove you wrong. Honestly, the reason people love Mr. Darcy isn't because he's a rich, brooding bachelor - it's because he hears Elizabeth when she tells him why she will not marry him and realizes he needs to be a better person. By the end of the novel, not only does Elizabeth better understand Mr. Darcy's background and personal character, but Mr. Darcy has put in the self work necessary to understand how to properly treat Elizabeth as an equal and accept her crazy family. 

The main takeaway: People can surprise you. Second chances may be necessary if a first date doesn't go as planned. 

 

5. Persuasion, by Jane Austen

Yes, I'm including a second Jane Austen novel. Unlike Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion is all about trusting your heart. Anne allowed herself to be talked out of marrying the love of her life, just because her friends didn't think he was wealthy or high-status enough. Years later they meet again and, after the usual variety of events and interactions, realize they are still in love. To this day, nothing gives me the same warm and fuzzy feeling as the note Captain Wentworth writes to Anne at the climax of the novel. 

                                                                                                  From Persuasion, by Jane Austen                             

My takeaway: When you know, you know. Feelings aren't something you can reason your way into or out of. At some point, you have to trust your gut. 


What books have shaped your approach to relationships? Leave a recommendation in the comments!

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