Thoughts from Chickadee

 Last Saturday I was more nervous for my coffee date with Jeremy than I had ever been for any date. As I drove to the coffee shop I kept telling myself "It's just coffee, you'll be fine, you're a catch, and it'll be fine." It turns out I had no reason to be so anxious. Why?                                                                                                                                                                                    ...

 This week I had the strange feeling of being back in time.  Maybe it's because I'm back in Minnesota again and things are starting to remind me of all the years I lived here before.  Maybe it's because my favorite boy band from when I was a teenager, Big Time Rush , announced they are reunited and recording new music.  Maybe it's because after my call with Jeremy I had fluttery crush feelings for the first time in years. After our phone call, I immediately texted one of my friends in all caps. She called me about thirty minutes later to find out why I was so excited. I giggled to her like a high school girl with her first date to a school dance. Previously I have complained to her about how poorly conversations with men have gone or how I was considering no longer dating men at all because they never seemed that interesting or worth keeping around. It was a surprise to feel the opposite for once. I don't know if this fluttery crush feeling will last long. In fact, ...

 This week was my second week on Hinge . The photographer I began messaging with last week, Jeremy*, and I continued to chat each day, and around midweek he asked if I would like to either meet up for coffee or have a phone call.  As if a timer went off, I went into an anxiety spiral: It's been five years since I last dated a man. What if I've forgotten how?  I've always casually dated. What am I doing on a dating app looking for something serious? Yes, Jeremy seems nice and respectful and interesting and we have a lot in common, but what if I talk to him and realize he's terrible? I should ghost him. Once I realized what was happening, I forced myself to take a few steps back. Yes, the idea of actually starting to date (or even just having a conversation with someone who is potentially interested in dating me) makes me nervous. However, I want to break my old habits and learn to open myself up to being vulnerable within relationships. Which means: no more ghosting when...

 A week ago my friend Julia and I got on a Skype call to set up our dating profiles. We ended up talking about books for two hours, and then remembered we actually had a task to complete. After frantically scribbling down each other's book recommendations, we downloaded the Hinge app and got started. Setting up the profile overwhelmed me slightly. Hinge requires six photos and three prompt responses before they will consider your profile complete. They had a list of about twenty prompts to answer as a way for you to share a little of your personality. I chose the following prompts: 1. I want someone who... (will make me laugh, has ambition, is kind, and doesn't mind that I will probably always love my cats more than them) 2. My most irrational fear is... (a killer whale coming out of my closet to murder me) 3. Something about me that surprises people is... (I have ten tattoos) After filling out my demographics and preferences, I was officially on Hinge. Since Hinge has a smalle...