Role Open: Steady Datemate

 This week I couldn't stop thinking about how similar dating feels to the job interview process.

 

Let's say a dating profile is a resume. You want to include just enough information to be interesting, but not so much that the person reading gets overwhelmed. There can't be one word answers to prompts, since that just doesn't go enough into detail. You should never include why past roles (or relationships, in this case) ended, as that right off the bat tells the person reading where you tend to screw up.

Hitting "like" or responding to someone's dating profile is just like submitting an application to an open job. Every time you apply, you have no idea how many other people are up for the same role, or how they may be more qualified to be that person's partner. Even if you match on the dating app, maybe they aren't actively looking to fill that space in their life or already have someone else far enough into the dating process that they aren't looking to have any first dates.

The dates themselves are interviews. You're so focused on making a good impression, seeming interesting and interested, and doing just enough to get to the next round of interviews and one step closer to "hired." At the end of the date, you ask a variation of that magic question you're always supposed to ask at the end of interviews: "When will I hear from you again?"

Traditionally I've always been good at getting to a second date (or interview, when we're actually talking about jobs). The second date is usually when I will take on the role of interviewer and see if I want the other person to move forward. I always want to know I am liked by the other person before I figure out if I want to be liked by them. Maybe that is why I have always stuck to casual dating. It was more important for me to feel likeable than to feel a connection. These days, this looks like wanting matches and other people to make the first move in conversations or in making plans.

Here's the question (cue Carrie Bradshaw-esque voice-over): How do I take a more active role in my own dating process and become the interviewer rather than the applicant?

I only have one idea on how to address that question so far. I'm going to start trusting my gut a little more, and if I have a good feeling about one of the people I'm chatting with I will make the first move and ask if they'd like to meet for coffee. I will remember dating, like a job interview, is meant to be a two-way street. 

 

Do you have other recommendations on how I can be a more active participant in my own dating experience? Leave a comment!