First Date Fatigue

 I underestimated how long it would take for me to find someone I actually would want a relationship with. 

I've been on four first dates (two men and two women, for anyone keeping track on a gender Bingo card), and have another two (one man, one woman) scheduled for the next two weeks. They've all had at least a little potential before the date but we just don't click in person. It's frustrating. In the past I've never had a hard time getting to at least a second date, and I don't know what has changed. 

Is it that I'm out of practice with dating apps? Am I too picky these days and still subconsciously waiting for the love-at-first-sight lightning strike? Am I giving off not-interested vibes on the dates? Have my dates immediately thought "crazy cat lady" when I mention my three cats and run for the hills?

I don't have answers. I realize two months isn't a long time to be on a dating app, and in terms of weeks I've been on the app and number of dates I've had I have a pretty good ratio going. I'm just not good at being patient, and even worse when it comes to something I've created a timeline for in my mind. 

In my head, by now I planned to have a date to a wedding next month. By December the person and I would be serious enough for me to introduce them to my family at Christmas. They'd go with me to a wedding in Texas in February, and by July it would be understood we were heading toward an engagement in the next year or two. 

Is that timeline me getting way ahead of myself? Absolutely. Did I still want it to work? Absolutely.

For now, however, I'm just going to keep going on these first dates and hope that one will turn into a second date.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Love Languages

Image
 Over the last few years the general public has become more familiar with the concept of love languages, but it originally was mainly used within couples counseling.  Gary Chapman wrote a book in 1992 describing the five main ways people express love in relationships. He theorized that many issues within relationships spring from the individuals expressing and receiving love in different ways and not understanding how their partner expresses and receives love. His theory resonated with millions of people, pushing his several books on the topic to the bestsellers list and leading love languages to become a common topic in couples counseling. As a side note, I think it is important to note that Chapman has a doctorate in adult education and is a Baptist minister- not a counselor or psychologist, so it is important to remember love languages were not developed in an empirical study. A research study in 2017 done by Bunt & Hazelwood, in fact, found that couples who were alig...
Read more

Attachment Styles and Some Personal Growth

Image
I'll openly admit to not being the best at texting. Unless I reply right away to the other person, I will forget to get back to them until the next time I pick up my phone. I am also very bad about keeping people updated on things through text, and will tell myself "oh, I'll tell them next time I see them or talk with them" and then three months have passed and I realize I forgot to reach out.  I'm better about texting with a few of my close friends and in the early stages of dating with someone new. However, even with these few people sometimes either I or they will drop out of the conversation for a few days. These silences have turned out to be times of growth for me when it comes to my attachment style. Attachment style is something that was discussed at length in several of my classes as I earned my master's degree in counseling. John Bowlby theorized that early experiences directly influence later relationship development and can predict behavior. Mary ...
Read more

Fictional Dates and Real Life Types

Image
Now that it's just four weeks to the day I have marked on my calendar to join Hinge and start dating, I've started spending some time thinking about what kind of person with whom I am looking to have a relationship. As is my habit, I decided to start by going to books, television shows, and movies as a form of research into my own feelings and reactions. I came up with a list of four characters who consistently make me swoon. 1. George Cooper, from the Song of the Lioness book series by Tamora Pierce                                                                                                         Illustration credit to Minuiko on Tumblr Song of the Lioness is the boo...
Read more