Thank God I Have My Friends

 Last weekend I flew out to Maryland to attend the wedding of a friend from grad school. It was a simple and beautiful ceremony followed by a very fun evening of dancing, bonfires, and getting to know her other friends. I went alone to the wedding and was the only of our friend group from grad school who was able to make it, but didn't have the chance to feel lonely or out of place due to how welcoming her friends were. 

It really drove home a point I've been thinking about for a long time: in my life, friendships have been the most influential and important relationships.

                                                                                                                                        Photo by Belle Co from Pexels

 

This became especially true in college. I was extremely lucky and found a group of friends who are just as nerdy, weird, and invested as I am in holding onto our friendships. We're still close friends today (in fact, a few of us are going out today for Halloween), and through my relationship with these friends I was able to work through some of the anxious attachment issues I developed early in life. Without these friends I would not have the emotional security necessary to be ready or willing to pursue any kind of romantic relationship.

My friends from grad school have been just as important. Not only did we help support each other through the highs and lows of classes, internships, and job searches, but they helped me through some pretty rough times in my personal life. The friend who's wedding I attended last weekend especially was key during this time, as she was always willing to listen, took me in one year for Thanksgiving, and cared for my cats while I dealt with a medical emergency. Between her and my other friends back in Texas, I honestly can say I don't think I would have made it through the past several years without their friendship.

Some important lessons I have learned as a result of my friendships:

•  You won't be "too much" for the people who love you
• People show their love in different ways. Once you learn how they show it, you'll see it constantly.
• Shared idiocy is a bonding experience
• I get possessive of the people I care about, and have had to learn to manage that feeling
• Asking for help and being vulnerable allows for deeper connection

It's all too common for people to vanish from their friend groups when they enter a new romantic relationship. They get wrapped up in the new relationship and put all their energy into it. I'm making a promise to myself right now I will not follow that pattern. My friendships are and will remain my most important relationships. 

Considering I have a second date next week with a woman who makes me feel all giddy and starry-eyed, I may just have a chance to keep that promise sooner rather than later.